


Drag Me To Your Level

by oddegg



Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-04
Updated: 2010-08-04
Packaged: 2017-10-10 22:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddegg/pseuds/oddegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All drag artists are created equal (but some are more equal than others)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drag Me To Your Level

**Author's Note:**

> I was about to prompt for this on the fluff meme and then realised I wanted to write it myself! Prompt was going to be _'For some reason the whole school has to drag up. Descriptions of all the drag queen and kinging and peoples reactions please'_

Puck isn’t even sure who came up with the idea in the first place. Quite who would be _insane_ enough to think that this would be a good idea; something that McKinley High students would go along with without the riot police having to be called in.

He had to give them props though, whoever they were, because actually? This whole thing seemed to be going down smoothly, with even the jocks joining in without bloodshed, something that had Puck vaguely wondering if bodysnatchers had arrived in the night.

But no, it seemed something much weirder was happening.

McKinley High’s first ‘Opposite Day’ (subtitle: ‘Come As You Aren’t’) was a raging success.

* * *

Though, when he thought about it, perhaps Puck wasn’t as surprised as he should be. Since Principal Figgins had announced it a couple of weeks ago there had been a distinct increase in small groups muttering together in the corridors, looking sideways at any lingering passer-by and generally acting like not very subtle conspirators in an evil plot. Only the overheard comments weren’t about overthrowing the government or anything like that and were instead a dozen different variations on the theme of:  
_“So what are you wearing for it?”_

It had given Puck some moments where he thought he’d slipped into Bizarro land though. Hearing one of the basketball guys anxiously ask a teammate “But do you think I could pull off the boho look?” was a particularly disconcerting moment.

The girls from Glee had loved the idea, of course (and yes, Puck _was_ including Hummel in that grouping). They’d planned their own costumes with enthusiasm and pretty much treated the guys as though they were going to be dress up dolls for the day too; planning their outfits for them and organising who was going to help them out on the day.

Since the Hummel/Hudson households had merged now, Finn was obviously getting dressed up by Kurt (‘helped’ by Rachel, who had claimed girlfriend privileges even though Kurt told her bluntly that she couldn’t dress _herself_ up as a girl convincingly, never mind Finn). Quinn had offered to help Artie and Mercedes, Matt. Mike, the poor bastard, was told by a grinning Santana and Brittany that ‘he was their bitch now’. He had, understandably, looked terrified.

Puck had pissed off all the girls (again, yes – that included Hummel) by refusing any help at all or even to discuss what he was going to wear. Finally Kurt had said haughtily “Fine. But be aware we’ll all disown you when you inevitably turn up looking like a ‘before’ segment from ‘What Not To Wear’”

Puck had just grinned at him.

* * *

And now it was the day itself and Puck was semi-hidden in a corner, people watching with increasingly manic glee combined with occasional flashes of genuine admiration.

A lot of people looked ridiculous, of course; the basketball player had _not_ pulled off the boho look and most of the jocks looked like idiots (so, no change there then). Puck also kind of wanted to scrub his brain with bleach after catching sight of Figgins in a sari, complete with a cropped top that showed off a hairy belly.

Watching Mr Schuester and Coach Sylvester arguing had him biting his hand to keep from laughing out loud – Schue standing hands on hip, skirts of his 50’s style costume quivering indignantly as he snapped at the Cheerio’s coach – _‘**All **of the staff were meant to participate as well, Sue! You’re not an exception, damn it!’      ‘William, you must have put the rag-rolls for that travesty you call a hairstyle in too tight last night because it is quite obvious that I’m wearing a **man’s** tracksuit today and am thus participating fully. I even went stag for the undies as well – boxers rather than briefs. I find them more freeing’. _

(Though that last little bit of information… yeah, Puck had reached for the brain bleach again.)

He thought that overall the girls of the school had it easier. Throw on some loose jeans and a flannel shirt and they were done, though he noticed that some of them were wearing more makeup than most guys wore on a normal school day. He also thought that the group of Cheerio’s he saw were cheating a bit by just swapping to the boys’ uniform, however impressive they looked marching down the corridor together.

The gleek girls had gone to more effort and damn, but they looked good!

The whole gang came down the corridor together and Puck grinned when he saw San and Brittany, still hand in hand even with Britt wearing a QB Letterman jacket and preppy khaki’s and Santana rocking the skinny-jeaned indie boy look. To be honest he’d wondered if Tina wouldn’t go that route as well, given that it wasn’t that far from her usual look, but the Asian girl had turned herself into a sleek Triad mobster instead, slim three piece grey suit and pointed shoes, hair clubbed back into a queue, sunglasses on and blank expression. Puck swore he caught the edge of a drawn on tribal tattoo on her neck as well.

Mercedes had gone for a criminal look as well, but hers was more ‘hood than Hong-Kong. Baggy jeans and corn-rowed hair, with a wife-beater and a hoodie and the biggest gold chains Puck had ever seen. She’d got the walk down too – a slouching swagger that screamed ‘I will bust a cap in yo’ ass, homie’.

Quinn was the best though. Puck nearly whistled out loud when he saw her as she gave a smug grin and smoothed a hand over the elaborate quiffed and ducktailed hairstyle she’d given herself to go with the boots, turned up jeans, white t-shirt and leather jacket. She had a chain looped down one leg, a prop cigarette behind one ear, and she looked like she was just back from drag racing with James Dean. She looked great.

He couldn’t quite say that about Rachel. For all that Santana called her ‘manhands’ she didn’t even make a convincing preppy guy and had a faint air of wanting to change into a sweater set about her. But then she was walking along with Finn who, despite having Hummel to dress him, looked exactly like what he was – an uncomfortable football player in a dress. Still, they seemed to be coping, though Puck would have thought Rachel’s usual manic theatricality would have meant she’d be happier about the act.

Matt also didn’t make a very believable woman, despite the high quality wig and simple jersey dress that Mercedes had found for him. He seemed accepting enough of the fact and was at least coping with the heels well. Very well, in fact: strolling along with Artie’s chair like he wore six-inch stilettos every day.

Artie obviously didn’t have the footwear to deal with but he did have to cope with the fact that Quinn apparently had a really evil sense of humour and had put him in a hooker-red silk blouse with matching lipstick and the tiniest skirt imaginable. He was having to sit very carefully indeed to avoid showing the whole school his ‘business’.

Although maybe Quinn wasn’t as evil as it first looked because Artie made a reasonably attractive woman, surprisingly, if a bit sluttish. His usual glasses were gone and dark mascara and eyeliner made his eyes look huge, and the tiny skirt was showcasing what were some very nice, if thin, legs. In fact Karofsky (who was wearing a butt-ugly dress that looked like he’d stolen it from his grandmother) bent down to pick up the (butt-ugly) purse he’d just dropped and got so distracted by Artie’s legs that he forgot to straighten up again.

Puck didn’t know who was more horrified and appalled by that – Karofsky or Artie. And he decided that on second thoughts Quinn was even _more_ evil than she looked.

But Mike was the real shocker. Mike, who’d sent Puck a panicked text of ‘_omgomg. thr here. kill me now_’ to Puck at 5:15 that morning, looked… Well. There was no other word for it.

Mike looked beautiful.

Shit. The Glee club gay had infected Puck even more than he thought.

Santana and Britt had pulled out all the stops; Mike had on small kitten heels, seamed stockings and a suit of a tight, knee length skirt and a jacket which nipped in at the waist and somehow gave him curves he didn’t usually possess. They’d swept his hair forward over one eye, done an amazing make up job on him and given him some small, black framed glasses that, together with the rest of the outfit, made him look a little like a naughty secretary. One who might be persuaded to do dirty things on the office desk after hours.

And if Artie’s legs had diverted Karofsky, Mike’s look was so mesmerizing that he left a six person pile up in the corridor behind him because they couldn’t stop looking at him. Two of those people were female students. One of them was their chemistry teacher.

But Mike himself, Puck could see from his vantage point, didn’t notice. Because, however much of a fugly girl Matt made from the front, Mike obviously found something to capture his attention from the rear – his eyes were glued to his friend’s backside.

Puck always thought there was something going on with those two. He thought about sending Mike a text later that night – something like ‘_yo moneypenny – u get him 2 leave the heels on?_’

He grinned to himself again. Mike would kill him tomorrow if he did.

* * *

And Kurt?

Well, Kurt was right at the front of the group strutting his stuff and Puck would’ve cried foul and called him a cheat when he saw that, like the rest of the squad, Kurt had just swapped his usual Cheerio's uniform for a girls’ one.

He _would_ have, but for the fact that Kurt had even more amazing legs than Artie and he’d put on lipstick and done his eyes and the sight of him all pretty and wholesome-slutty in that weenie little skirt with its brief flashes of undershorts had just shot straight into third place in Puck’s list of fantasy material about the soprano.

(Second place was still Kurt on black satin sheets wearing nothing but panties, stockings and suspenders. First place was getting to see Kurt make him breakfast in the morning in just boxers and one of Puck’s shirts)

And now they were nearing Puck’s corner and that was his queue. Curtain up. Showtime. He pushed himself off the wall and walked forward into the corridor.

* * *

Finn’s mouth dropped. So did Rachel’s.

Santana gave him a long, slow look – from the shades on the top of his head to the silver-sprayed boxing boots on his feet and everything in-between – and let out a wolf whistle. Brittany beamed at him. Quinn and Mercedes shot him startled looks before starting to smile and Artie, the little bastard, started laughing. Matt gave him a wink and Tina pushed down her dark glasses to stare at him over the top. Mike… yeah, Mike was still staring at Matt’s ass.

Puck was _so_ sending him that text.

And Kurt?

Kurt was blinking, wide eyed at him. Mouth forming a small ‘o’ of surprise. Puck cocked a hip and crossed his arms and sent the boy one of his best leers. He felt a thrill of victory when he saw the hot blush pink up Kurt’s cheeks.

Finn said “_Dude_… that is a… **_very_** sparkly dress. And it’s pink”

Puck grinned, showing his teeth “I told you man. I’m a _stud_. I can wear anything to school and make it look good”

Kurt had got over his shock and gave a sniff, tossing his head “You totally stole that idea from Brad Pitt!”

Puck shrugged “Well, yeah. But babe, I’ve got much nicer guns than Brad. I can _work_ this shit”

Ignoring Kurt’s squawk of ‘_Did you just call me ‘babe’?!_’ he gave them all a mock salute and started to go around them, then turned back like he’d just thought of something

“Oh, and Kurt?” he leaned in close to whisper with his mouth close to Kurt’s ear, so near he felt the little gasp of breath Kurt gave, could feel the heat of the other boy’s skin “I’m still going commando by the way”

This time Kurt’s gasp was more of a high moan, and Puck smirked and sauntered off down the corridor to his next lesson. He could feel Kurt’s eyes boring into his back and he made sure to give a little extra roll to his hips as he strolled. The dress seemed to call for it and Puck knew you should pay attention to these things.

After all, as Kurt was always saying, clothes do make the man.

  
* * *

_And yes, Puck did totally [steal his look from Brad Pitt](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_YGeU2nHmk9U/SorZQ9ZiZcI/AAAAAAAADG8/nGa-hoW25Ng/s1600-h/brad+pitt+in+a+sparkling+dress.jpg). I do think he’d rock the look though! _

 

 


End file.
